November 5, 2006

Reclaiming the Future

Confusion intended. I’ve started a personal project to clean out many of the boxes in my basement. My aid lugs a box upstairs, I go through the contents—throw out what I can, mostly because it should have been thrown out long ago or I can’t see myself using it again—note the contents and number the boxes so I can easily get to the things I save—and send the box back downstairs. The storage boxes were assembled and placed downstairs shortly before I completed my first hospital stay. My wife got some friends to help her pack and move the stuff to make room for the hospital bed, wheelchair, and other stuff I would need when I came home. Trouble is, the motivation was to make room, not to prioritize or sort the stuff in any way.

At first, it made no difference to me. I only had vague recollections of my home and just got used to things arranged as they were. But as I have been able to remember more of the past, I have become more aware of things that are no longer readily available to me. I want some things, and I’m curious about what else might be downstairs. There’s a lot I have forgotten that comes back to me once I retrigger an association in my brain. The more stimulation I provide, the more I’m capable of doing. That’s why I think that reclaiming my past is reclaiming my future.